How A Narcissist Controls You in a Relationship
A narcissist is in control of you because YOU are not in control of you. They control you through your weaknesses within your emotions; they know everyone. Fear is what drives the narcissist then they will project the fear on you. Their moves are rooted in fear, using shame, guilt, worry, and anger to control you.
They use hierarchy and titles as leverage (husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, teacher, preacher, etc.) to guilt you into staying in an abusive relationship. They saddle you with the shame of leaving them because of the title they carry and who they think they are.
A narcissist will;
- FORCE you into relationships and situations that don’t align with your feelings.
- CONTROL the narrative by using your emotions to make it seem like you are the issue.
- HIDE the truth; they are trying to hide from you a person that they don’t even like, which is themselves.
Listen to more about the Narcissist’s Playbook on our From Self-Discovery to Self-Love Podcast.
Learning To Control Your Emotions
Controlling your emotions is the glue to keeping it all together. The narcissist hides in your emotions; they distract you with your own pain and past unresolved issues. They know how to trigger you, your emotions fuels their ego.
Self-Discovery to Self-Love Fundamentals teaches; Assess, Analyze & Action!
- ASSESS You notice! You notice how your body feels around them; your heart is racing, you have anxiety, the winds knocked out of you, your breathing heavy, your perspiring, your voice is elevated or cracking. You notice the emotions you are displaying, you’re out of control, you are angry, you’re in fight or flight mode, you’re yelling, and you feel defensive. The more you can assess, the more answers you will receive.
- ANALYZE The analysis phase is where you being to notice yourself, noticing things. “I’m noticing this person is trying to take me out of my peace” This is where you are gathering data using strategic energy. You are running down every scenario and being at peace with every outcome. Now that you notice, you have the opportunity to remedy this. You are searching for areas to adapt and flow. You must have studied the enemy first before engaging in battle.
- ACTION! Assessment and analysis mean nothing without Action! Action requires you to be firm, not to carry worry, shame, guilt, and fear with the decision you made. It requires you to start putting your feelings first and taking your power back. Action is where your healing and peace begin.
How To Set Boundaries with a Narcissist
Setting boundaries and enforcing them are where you start to regain power and Self-Love. This is where you begin protecting your peace and applying strategic energy. Strategic Energy Steps;
- Silence and Listening- become very silent and listen to each word they are saying to you and decipher what message they are trying to convey.
- Giving or Taking Energy? Ask yourself this question; “Are they giving me energy or taking energy away from me?” If you feel like you are drained or angry, they took your energy. If you were feeling gratitude and inspired, they are giving you energy. What is their motive?
- Love or Hate? Are you FEELING love or hate from this engagement? How do I respond to this energy appropriately and peacefully?
Boundaries do not allow people to manipulate you or leave you with their negative energy; they hold people accountable and only engage in truthful conversations. Boundaries are not making exceptions for “hierarchy and titles.”
Defending your boundaries is equal to protecting your peace.
Forcing Relationships with a Narcissist
Narcissists force you to be in relationships THEY want you to be in, including with them. They can force you through the shame and guilt associated with not having them in your life , which is all for their benefit and control.
Are you forcing any relationships? Do you have the strength to remove these people and be at peace with your decisions? They control you because YOU are trying to force a relationship that is not meant to be held onto. They are there to help you learn more about your Self-Discovery and your Self-Love.
What Repels A Narcissist?
Here is a list of proven and effective strategies to repel the narcissist;
- Asking in-depth questions
- Honoring Your Feelings
- Your Success
- YOUR HAPPINESS
This is not something you do 10 minutes or 2 hours a day; Self-Love and Peace must become your lifestyle.
How To Heal From A Narcissistic Relationship
To heal is understanding that those relationships were not for you and not carrying any shame or guilt for not having that person in your life. You are not alone. Narcissists are all over; you can’t go “no contact” with them all; you must learn how to stand firm against their abuse.
Doing the deep work to understand why you were with a narcissist, to begin with, with no regretful energy. Having empathy understanding, they do not have self-love, and their problems are all self-inflicted, so they hurt others. When you break it down, a narcissist’s tactics are child’s play.
It’s connecting with creatively compatible people. Reconnecting and healing in nature, getting inspired, it’s every one of our W.O.W Words. It’s choosing to start becoming SELF-LOVED.
For more Self-Discovery, Self-Love Education, Fundamentals, and Lifestyle Strategies, vibe with us at makelifeanoccasion.com, the Self-Love Lifestyle Brand.